Self-loathing can show up when you least expect it and can live in your psyche without your even knowing it. It’s like a dirty little secret that only you know about. You fear others will find out so you bury it into the deep recesses of your consciousness, hoping that it will never surface. The irony is that what you think is hidden is really radiating out from you by the choices you make, the relationships you are in and even in how you look. Do you smile often, welcoming the world? Or is there a heaviness surrounding you that drains you of energy? By masking those parts of you that you hold in judgment in darkness you are actually perpetuating your self-loathing, not healing it. By denying your darkest thoughts their natural path to the surface you are holding them in a place where they will take root and soon begin bearing bitter fruit.
Self-loathing can bear this fruit in many ways. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
Maybe it’s the comment you didn’t make when someone disrespected you because you felt too unworthy to speak up for yourself? You make matters worse by beating yourself up and obsessively thinking about what you should have said.
Maybe it’s the continued verbal abuse you allow a family member to throw at you? It’s not okay for anyone to scream at you and put you down….including you! Do you believe you deserve this?
Maybe it’s the obsessive negative thoughts you have about your body, your weight, your job, your finances, your family? These unhealthy energy-drainers steal your inner resources for making lasting healthy choices and changes.
Step 1: Right now take out a piece of paper and divide it into 4 Columns. Title them: Column 1 = “Situation”, Column 2 = “My Responsibility”, Column 3 = “My Self-Judgment” and Column 4 = “Reframing Through Forgiveness”
Step 2: In column 1, list all the circumstances you are currently complaining about. Simply list them; you will begin looking at them in more detail in the subsequent steps.
Step 3: Carefully go over the list and look at your responsibility in each situation. List your insights in column 2. This is not to make you see where you are wrong, only where you are blocking positive opportunity. This actually transfers the power of change and possibility back into your hands. When you blame external factors for your situation, you are living from a victim consciousness and this disempowers you.
Step 4: In column 3, write down your self-judgments in each circumstance. In these situations, did you make a decision before having all the facts and lack self-trust because of it? Did you judge yourself as stupid or inept because of it?
For example: Look at all the people today who lost their life-savings based on what they thought were “tried and true” methods of investing. Would you be willing to look at the fact that you did the best you could with the information you had and stop beating yourself up? Instead, choose to learn the lesson now, so you can move on and avoid a similar lesson in the future. And always be kind to yourself. Being mean to yourself doesn’t help anything. It just increases the negativity in your day and reinforces your self-loathing.
Step 4: In column 4, write down how you could see these circumstances in a positive light if you were to reframe your thinking through the light of forgiveness. Forgive all your self-judgments. It’s time to really let yourself off the hook this time. Look at the list you made in Step 2 and notice if you are still holding onto your anger. If you are then I want you to start reframing your judgments. Instead of holding on to the judgment that you are stupid-let that go and instead realize that you were doing the best you could with the information you had. If you could have done better-you would have. I believe that whole-heartedly. Do some soul-searching. Was there a step you missed? Were you in denial about something so you didn’t see the situation clearly?
It’s your job alone to take back your power by becoming aware of when you are thinking negative thoughts about yourself. No one else can do this for you.
Step 5: In the future moments when you notice that you are having a negative thought about yourself, make the decision to think of something good about yourself instead. It’s your world and your mind—how about filling it up with beautiful thoughts about yourself? A key question to ask yourself in order to shift your energy is, “What’s the lesson for me here?” Awareness is power and your path to power and possibility.
Remember that as you learn to love yourself, and make your decisions from that loving place, your whole world shifts into the realm of positive possibility through the lasting power of forgiveness.
© Copyright 2009 Brenda Adelman
Want to reprint this article in your ezine or website? You may, as long as it remains intact and you include this complete blurb with it: Brenda Adelman, MA in Spiritual Psychology, referred to as The Queen of Forgiveness, teaches people who have a lot to offer but are stuck, how to become present, enjoy more success and peace in their relationships and lives by letting go of old and new resentments using the art of forgiveness. For FR*EE tips on how to finally be happy and free visit www.forgivenessandfreedom.com.
