Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 2 of the Virtual Blog Tour for Mike O’Mary, Creator of The Note Project. The Note Project is a free, global movement aiming to make the world a million times better by inspiring 1 million people to write a note of appreciation to someone who made a difference in their lives.

Yesterday, Mike visited Glenn M Smith at http://sensitiveselfhelp.com/interview-with-mike-o’mary-author-of-the-note where they talked about personal/professional background, benefits of sharing appreciation, barriers and appreciation as a change agent.

Today, I’d like to share with you a recent interview I had with Mike when I got to ask him some questions on different life, using this tool and writing to his siblings. I hope you enjoy it.

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Brenda Adelman: How would your life have been different if your sister would have written you that note years earlier?

Mike O’Mary: That’s an interesting question. I’d like to answer in two parts: 1) What has changed as a result of my sister’ note? And then 2) Would it have made any difference if the change(s) had taken place sooner in my life?

Of those two questions, I think the first is the more important. There are changes that have happened within me, changes around me, and changes unique to our family history.

One of the main changes within me is that I have learned to look at people around me differently. I look for things to appreciate about other people, rather than things I don’t like. I wasn’t a complete negative jerk before!  I was just kind of oblivious. The note from my sister served as a wake-up call for me. I felt first-hand the impact of receiving appreciation. One of the things it made me realize is that I needed to do a better job of appreciating people in my life. Before, I was at least as likely to focus on a person’s negative traits as on the positive.

I’m still not perfect. But I’m much better at looking for things to appreciate and letting people know I appreciate them which brings me to the “changes around me” that I mentioned. When you actively look for the positive in people, you will find yourself surrounded by positive people. In part because you’ve got your eyes open now so you learn to see and appreciate the people around you. Your ability to appreciate the good in other people will also tend to bring out the best in people and over time, you will also attract many interesting people. You end up being surrounded by positive people – and we’re not talking about platitudes here. I’m talking about people who are doing good and meaningful things with their lives, and helping others do the same. Those are the kind of people you want to be around.  You will find them and attract them just by looking for things to appreciate in others.

The other big change from me was very personal and stems from my family history. My parents divorced when I was 10. My six siblings were put in an orphanage when I was 14. Mom kept me at home, on the surface because I’m the oldest and I had a part-time job. But I think the real reason was that she just didn’t want to be alone. Unfortunately, I was not good company. I skipped school, stayed out late at night, shoplifted…got into all kinds of trouble. It all culminated with me skipping school one day, stealing Mom’s car while she was at work (I didn’t even have a driver’s license yet!), and wrecking it. After talk of putting me in a detention home, I ended up going to live with my father. The result was that I further broke up our already broken home.

Another result was that I carried about a lot of guilt for a lot of years – about not going to the orphanage, and about causing so much trouble for my mom. My sister’s note did two things to alleviate that guilt. One was that it told me that what she remembered about me from our childhood was a positive thing – a time I took her to get a Christmas tree when I was home to visit. The other was that it prompted further communication. I later told my mother and my sister that I felt guilty about the past, and I knew I could never make up for it. They both told me that I didn’t have to make up for the past. That was one of the most freeing moments of my life. I let go of a lot of guilt.

So then the question is would it have made a difference if I had received the note from my sister earlier in life? Maybe. Maybe not. It might have made a difference in that the changes I experienced would have happened sooner, which means I might have been happier or more productive in my life sooner. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t have been as receptive to the message and lessons that I learned had I received the note at a different time in my life. To me, the main things are that I feel I am a better person now, the bond between my sister and me is stronger, and it all led to the Note Project, which I believe really will enrich the lives of many people.

Brenda Adelman: How do you use this tool in your life now? What kind of people do you write to these days?

Mike O’Mary: I balk at calling appreciation a “tool,” but then again, it is a “tool” when it comes to building and strengthening relationships, and especially to engaging employees in the workplace. It’s a tool in the most positive sense. Every time a business owner thanks a customer, that’s a tool that strengthens their relationship. And in the workplace (once you are earning a wage beyond what you need for survival), I believe appreciation is more important than monetary compensation. So appreciation is a tool, and I use it with customers every day.

In my personal life, appreciation is still a tool to build and strengthen relationships, but it also goes beyond that. It’s a way of expressing love to family and friends. I have vowed that every chance I get, I will tell the people I love and appreciate that I love and appreciate them. I tell them every time I see, write or talk to them.

The kind of people I write to these days covers the gamut. We tend to take for granted the people who are closest to us…friends and family members…so I think it’s important to put your thoughts and feelings into a card, note or letter from time to time to let them know you appreciate them. At the other end of the spectrum are people we tend to take for granted because they aren’t close to us…the cashier at the grocery store, the clerk at the dry cleaner, the mailman, etc. It’s important to let them know they are appreciated, too. That said, I am not the perfect role model. I’m much better at sharing appreciation than I used to be, but I still have work to do.

Brenda Adelman: Were you able to write notes to the rest of your brothers and sisters? I’d love to hear about your process.

Mike O’Mary: This is one of the areas where I still have work to do! I am sorry to say that I had NOT yet written notes to the rest of my brothers and sisters – not the kind of note that I should write. I’ve told my siblings that I love them, that I admire their strengths, and that I am proud of them. But I’ve never put it all into a letter that covers the full range of our lives and emotions. Then again, that might require a book, not a letter. Maybe I need to follow my own advice when I tell people to “keep it simple.” Just let them know you appreciate them for being who they are.

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I hope you enjoyed this interview with Mike O’Mary and that you’ll check out The Note Project at http://noteproject.com/launch/pages/ekit.html

Here’s why:

FREE GIFTS

When you buy the special Note Project starter eKit for only $1, you can ALSO receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, coaches and other professionals from around the globe including one from me…

Compassionate Forgiveness: 4 part Video Tips series

Read about these free gifts, go to: http://noteproject.com/launch/pages/ekit.html

HELP SUPPORT LITERACY

The idea of the Note Project is already pretty inspiring, but to make it even more impactful, a portion of all proceeds from sales on the site goes to international charities that support literacy throughout the world.

Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.

AND… be sure to follow Mike tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Lola Fayemi who will be interviewing Mike on his aim for the project, engaging people to write a note, appreciating the departed and how appreciating can change your life.  To visit that “stop” on the tour, go to http://www.alignedandthriving.com/love/the-note-project/