Quote of the week: Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Aristotle
Are you a juicy single?
If not...I invite you to become one and fast so that you can experience a juicier life filled with more love, more color, more joy and more sex. Yup, enjoy a lover, a friend and a soulmate all wrapped up into one. That’s right. I have it and it’s great!
The best part is that you don’t need anyone else to get started. It’s all up to you. It’s time for you to get in touch with those parts of you that might be rusty, haven’t seen the light of day(or night)in a long time or have just been ignored instead of cherished.
Ready. Get Set. Let’s get Started.
Here are 8 very practical and sexy tips. I’ve used them all. They’ve worked for me personally and for my life coaching clients.
1. You must wear sexy, well-fitting and clean underwear.
Women: this is where lace comes in and maybe a trip to Victoria’s Secret.
Men: get some nice underpants-maybe Calvin Klein.
The beauty is that no one has to know, but you. You may not be showing them to anyone quite yet…but you know, and that means you have a secret and secrets are alluring.
Women-if you get a colorful bra-why not let a strap subtly peak out of your clothes? It’s fun.
Give yourself permission to own your sexuality.
Men-if you have silk underwear-why not feel the texture at your waistline during the day reminding yourself of what a sexual and sensual being you are. Textures are there to entice and excite. Use them to entice yourself. You are much sexier to others when you’re excited about life and your body and what your body can do.
Yes, it is about what you can do for others!
2. Stop obsessing over your body not being perfect and instead appreciate every inch of you. Do you feel that there is too much in some places and too little in others? Who cares? You are defining what is perfect and what isn’t.
As a buxom and curvy woman I have never-never had a lover criticize my curves. I’ve only gotten appreciation…except from myself. (More on that in another article and in my new coaching program). The thing is–I was attracted to those who loved my body type. If you aren’t seeing those results then it’s time for you to take a look at your judgments of others. Have you limited yourself to only one ‘type’ of person physically?
Open up and enjoy the many unique delights this world offers through the variety of men and women out there.
Appreciate the beauty of the diversity of shapes out there and that appreciation will come back toward you know who- YOU!
3. Get dressed up! That’s right. It’s time to pay attention to what you wear and how you present yourself. Unless of course you want to meet someone who doesn’t take care of themselves too. Then you can keep doing what you’re doing. But you will get the same results if you keep doing the same thing. Who wants that?
It is not vain to pay attention to how you dress and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. It is a sign of self-appreciation. Keep yourself clean. Iron your clothing-or at least spritz the wrinkles out with a water spray bottle. (Hey, I’m practical) Make sure you match.
Ladies-get a fantastic dress or a great pair of pants and an exquisite top and some accessories.
Men-a well-fitted suit in the right color can do wonders for how you look and feel about yourself.
Confidence comes with looking your best in clothes that make you feel good.
One exception: If you are already super well-dressed and you take care of yourself impeccably and are finding it hard to meet your soulmate-you actually need to try loosening up.
Women-dress down, wear a tousled hairstyle, less make-up and accessories.
Men-well-to tell you the truth, except for gay men-straight men are never too put together. The ones that are, are either womanizers or taken (but I digress and it’s not true in all circumstances – I know!). Gay men-you’re already probably gorgeous-so it’s more of an inner relaxing and self-love that needs to be addressed. (I’ll address this in another article) Again-maybe not so perfect on the outside-and be more approachable. It’s time to address who you are searching for. Open up the type you are usually attracted to.
Gosh, I opened my type up so completely that I ended up with a woman!!! And I adore her!
4. Expect to meet Mr./ Ms. Right everyday, everywhere while at the same time not being attached. Be ready for love but not desperate. Don’t chase it. Be looking but not obsessing. And go out of your way to meet new people and go to places where you’ll meet someone with similar interests to you. How about church, cooking class, improv class, a sports bar, volunteering at the Humane Society? You get it. You won’t meet someone new and in the ‘love’ market doing the same old thing. Break out of your routine and apathy and excuses.
Part of making a soul connection is getting out there, out of your comfort zone and being vulnerable-that’s right. It can be scary but it adds to the excitement. Good news-when you meet someone at one of the places I’ve mentioned above (which you’ve chosen thoughtfully), doing what you’re already interested in-you’ll have something in common to do and talk about with your new love. Great!
5. It’s great to be alone. That’s true you know. You can be fabulously alone and not lonely. Once you get that shift and you stop ‘waiting ‘ for someone to complete you, it’s easier to find someone to compliment you. Use this time to get to know yourself. What are your strengths? Would you like to meet someone who shares your strengths? That would be great, wouldn’t it? Do you have a great sense of humor? How about attracting someone with a great sense of humor too? How much fun would that be? Appreciate yourself-this is key. Are you weak in certain areas? If so, don’t dwell there. Get support if you need it, and find the strength within each weakness.
Ex. As a shy kid I learned to develop my listening skills.That’s a great skill for relationships.
Relax, get a good book, find some movies you want to catch up on, learn a new language, go bowling, volunteer, go to a movie by yourself if you never have. It’s liberating.
6. Work out! Go to the gym, do videotape(so 1999) exercise routines at home, join a dance class at a local college or a professional dance school.
You must get in touch with your body, the way it moves, how it feels to move because
a. You’ll get in shape and
b. It’s sexy.
Plain and simple. Get out of your comfort zone. If you’re a body builder-take a -Zumba class-great for girls and guys at every fitness level. It loosens you up and how can you not feel sexy when you can move every part of your body in ways that most of the world can’t? It’s my new favorite exercise.
7. Feng Shui your home. I believe in it. I had a dry spell before I met my love partner of the last twelve years. Then I cleaned out the part of my home that represented romance (it had been cluttered with stuff) and I put pink crystals up. I started dating immediately. Each man was kinder and sweeter than the one before. You must clean the clutter to get rid of the old, stagnant energy and create a flow of energy.
Do you have photos of old lovers that need to be thrown out? Please get rid of them ASAP. There’s no need to have more than one, okay-maybe two photos of an ex. Presto and they are gone and there is room for the new. In feng shui they also say to put pictures of two objects around your home to invite in partnership energy.
Key-set it and forget it.
Infuse the energy of love into the things you are placing and then let go. Believe it’s going to happen for you just like when you go to the light switch and turn it on and know the light is going to come on.
8. Okay-I have to just mention forgiveness because deep inner work is my specialty as a life coach and I believe it’s key to my clients experiencing big shifts in their love life. You can do all the stuff on the surface but if you don’t get to and release the core beliefs that you may have picked up as a little kid none of this is going to work-not for the long term. Your old beliefs will kick in as soon as intimacy really comes in. Some people can’t even get to the point of getting truly close with a lover because they are so scared of intimacy. I’ve helped clients through this. I can help you. Intimacy involves vulnerability and if you don’t know how to protect yourself from being hurt you’ll either avoid it all together (I want it, I don’t want it syndrome) or as soon as someone gets too close-your issues will make you run. Do you recognize yourself in any of these patterns? Different ways this shows up—being attracted to people who aren’t kind or emotionally available or you yourself being unkind or emotionally unavailable to your partner.
If you’d like to work on uncovering and transforming these beliefs and having some fun while you are doing it then I invite you to sign-up for one of these two exciting new programs I’ve developed for you.
A. 90 minutes of Love Coaching with me, where in addition to personally coaching you, I will give you 15 exercises that will specifically help you experience a breakthrough in love. Email me and put Love Coaching in the subject line. In addition to the powerful coaching session(s), where we will figure out your love type, love obstacles and love affirmations, you’ll also have personal access to me (to ask all of your questions) until Valentine’s Day. Email me and I will give you all the details on what’s included in this exciting program and how to sign-up. Space is very limited. Program starts on January 15th. Make sure to email me with your interest this week.
B. Not ready to jump in completely? Start out with the special ecoaching option. After filling out an initial getting to know your love game questionnaire you’ll be able to email me one question everyday through Valentine’s Day. Let me help you take a quantum leap in love this season. Send me an email with Love ecoaching in the subject line and I’ll send you the details and how to sign-up. Space is limited. Program also starts January 15th to give you plenty of time to prepare for the Season of Love.
To your extraordinary heart, Brenda Adelman
P.S. If you liked this article I invite you to post what you learned or one action you’ll be taking on my facebook page at http://facebook.com/forgivenessandfreedom. You’ll be inspiring others and holding yourself accountable at the same time. What could be better?!
