I have a dream that one day no man or woman will be judged by who they love, but how they love.
The passing of Prop. 8 in California which stripped civil rights from gay Americans and the subsequent passing of other legislation in Arizona, Florida and Arkansas, where they passed a law to disallow gay people from adopting children or fostering children breaks my heart. First I was in shock, disbelief that fellow Americans in this day and age could vote with prejudice. Then I was angry and felt righteous in my anger toward my ‘so called’ enemies, the people who didn’t see my expression of love as beautiful. Isn’t love-when it is true and between two conscious consenting adults always beautiful?
Behind my anger was a deep sadness and a broken heart. I couldn’t see the good in the people who took my rights (because I am in a loving relationship with a woman) and the rights of my brothers and sisters in this nation away by the filling in of a circle on a voting form. I reached out to many straight friends and what I received was an outpouring of love, compassion and understanding. In their disappointment I realized that there is hope and we are moving forward as a nation, even though the shadow of inequality towards gay people has moved to the surface and it is hard to accept emotionally.
Now–being thought of as the Queen of Forgiveness, I had to remind myself that I believe in forgiveness whole-heartedly and I knew that there was an opportunity here for me to forgive myself for all judgments present. There were the judgments against the people I called the ‘oppressors’, the people who voted for these discriminatory propositions and the self-judgment I still have about my own sexuality that I picked up unconsciously from growing up in a nation where we are taught that love between two people of the same sex is wrong.
Some of my learnings: The people I have named as my enemies cannot be forgiven by me as long as I see them as my enemies. I started seeing them as people, with families, with deep belief systems set in place- just like me. You see, I was judging them and seeing them as objects/ obstacles. When we view people like that it closes down our own hearts. And one thing I know for sure is that I intend to live with an open heart and with joy. I will still take the action I need to take (like marching for my rights and the rights of other gay people) and perhaps my next one-woman show will be about my sexuality and these civil rights issues. Miracles can happen during these times. We just witnessed a paradigm shift with the election of our new President. Go Obama!
Now it is time to heal the ‘gay’ issue once and for all. Being a Jewish woman I have to clarify that I don’t mean healing it for the last time by ‘killing it’ (Remember the Nazi’s and how they dealt with the Jewish problem) By the way, when you tell people they are wrong for how they love-you are killing their sense of self-worth and adding to the isolation that people feel in this world. Healing has to do with acceptance, love and awareness.
I have a dream, one day no man or woman will be judged by who they love, but how well they love.
Forgive and Be Free,
Brenda
