Step 1 in my proven forgiveness system says you must move out of denial and accept that you feel hurt, harmed or betrayed by someone. This wasn’t so that you could stay in a place of blame. It was so that you could honor your feelings and get present to what’s really going on.
It took me over one year to acknowledge that my dad pulled the trigger that shot the bullet into my mother’s head and killed her. I made up stories because I thought that I couldn’t bare emotionally to lose my father and my mother with that one bullet.
When I moved out of denial I realized I had already lost him. The fantasies I played out in my head didn’t make them real. It just prolonged my suffering.
Step 1 of my forgiveness process made all the difference in the world as far as me starting to move forward in my healing.
My acceptance didn’t happen overnight. But it did happen. And every exercise I diligently applied to find peace and loving in my heart again is written for you in my book, My Father Killed My Mother and Married My Aunt: Forgiving the Unforgivable.
Once I accepted my father’s actions and fully experienced my feelings in a safe way it was time for me to move to Step 2 in my forgiveness process: Giving Up My Need to Be Right.
Why? Because being right didn’t make me happy. It continued to make me live as a victim to my father and my story. I learned that being right was not rewarding. It didn’t make me more loving. it didn’t bring my mother back. It didn’t heal my relationship with my father. It didn’t help attract loving people into my life. It just made me right.
In the example I used in my last post, I talked about moving into acceptance of what happened if someone cheated so you could make a self-honoring decision as to whether to stay or go. In the book I also show you how to forgive.
Let’s say you are the one who has been cheated on and your husband apologized, took full responsibility and assured you that it would never happen again. You decide to take him back but you continue to live in a world of right and wrong. You punish him whenever you can because you are so angry. Notice how you feel? Is that good for the kids, for your relationship? I’m here to say you can release this energy.
Let’s say you break up but you still blame him. Did you know that the blame you hold against him is actually toxic to you? It shows up as headaches and body aches and anxiety. And you are continuing to give him power over you even though what happened was in the past.
You and only you are responsible for how you are feeling right now about an event in the past. And the good news is that you have the power to change it.
If you can’t move past something-seek out local professional help. I got a 2 year Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology, attended a weekend long anger workshop and have continued to study with master teachers.
If you’ve never been taught how to release your judgments so they stop hurting you (whether you decide to stay in the relationship or go)-get your own copy of my ebook and start your process of moving out of a world of right and wrong right now.
It will free up space within so you can experience more loving.
In the loving,
Brenda
P.S. Get your copy of My Father Killed My Mother and Married My Aunt: Forgiving the Unforgivable-my memoir and forgiveness guide only at http://www.forgiveandbefreebook.com
