Today would have been my mom’s birthday. It’s been 14 years since she died. My dad shot and killed her.

I’m  feeling a sense of loss mixed with deep gratitude for her presence in my life for all the years we had together.

This is the first of 3 posts on the process I used to move from my anger and feeling of unfairness to the place I live from now.

I live from gratitude, with a sense of peace and lots of love because I learned how to forgive.

Forgiveness does not condone. It doesn’t mean that I allowed myself  to be walked all over.

Quite the opposite. My eyes opened, really opened for the first time.

Here’s the 1st Step in my 3 Step system of forgiveness:

1. Accept that you’ve been hurt, betrayed and/or harmed.

You can’t fully heal or forgive if you are in denial

Once you truly see the situation you can make self-honoring choices.

For example: Has someone cheated on you and you refuse to acknowledge it? Or do you know it and push it down in order to control your feelings? (I wanted to address this issue because it comes up so often with clients and readers of my ecourse) No matter how hard you think it is to acknowledge that a loved one did something to betray you–you must. It is much harder if not impossible to live a joy filled life if you don’t.

Stop making excuses. Honor yourself by making self-loving choices. Get the support you need. Your happiness is waiting on you.

If you want to learn the exact exercises I used to move out of denial and into acceptance get my ebook, My Father Killed My Mother and Married My Aunt: Forgiving the Unforgivable. It’s a memoir and forgiveness guide that includes my 3 Step Forgiveness Process. It’s available only at